Why do people CHEAT?

In most couples, neither party sets out to cheat. When a romance blossoms and then a relationship starts, both parties only have eyes for each other. So how is that some time down the line one of the two lovebirds leaves the nest to go elsewhere? Is it an emotional reason or a purely physical one? What constitutes cheating? Is sexting cheating, is kissing? And is a cheater always a serial cheater?

What kind of person is most likely to cheat?

There are several different reasons that people cheat. Statistically, men are more likely to cheat than women. This is simply because they have more testosterone and often a greater sexual libido than women. It is also often men that have some kind of psychological or emotional difficulty that are more likely to cheat on their partner. This can though apply to women as well. Some characteristics include angry or volatile people who often have high sexual libidos. In addition to this, people who regularly use alcohol or drugs to get on a high as a kind of escapism, are also a higher risk group.

People who have had a strict upbringing, a strict religious background or have a reserved personality are less likely to cheat than others. They tend to accept what life is like and try to work through the good times and the bad.  It is often people who have had more liberty as a child who feel they can have greater liberty greater in life.

Relationship changes

As relationships develop, the balance between love and day-to-day living get harder to balance. Often couples sex lives dwindle and the partners have sex less regularly as time progresses. This can be due to boredom, tiredness, different ways of living, children and much more. Keeping an active and healthy sex life up is important and this can be achieved through broadening your sexual horizons with your partner, some sex underwear, trying a new place or position and other methods. Not having sex with your partner in six months needs a fix!

The different viewpoints that couples have can also cause issues. If one partner feels put out, they may well not feel like having sex with the one they have just argued with, or that they feel are in the wrong

Emotional imbalance is a third factor, where one person in the couple, due to whatever circumstance can feel unloved and seek solace in the arms of another. The primary reason for this is to feel loved at that moment. So,  dissatisfied partners, sexually, emotionally or just perturbed by the day to day issues that couples go through, are certainly higher risk groups for cheating.

If you share the same ideals and values as your partner, have a similar level of intelligence or education, the risks are lower too. If a partnership regularly redresses its balance, both people feel they are in a well- matched partnership, people do not usually cheat. Simply because neither party wants to, and they agree on this point.

One -off opportunities

A person can be perfectly normal, be happy in their relationship, but still be tempted to cheat. Sometimes, out of the blue, a circumstance can just “happen” that puts temptation on a plate, and that is hard to resist. A person who is put into a setting with good looking people, increases the chances of cheating statistically.

These days, we can’t expect a wedding ring to speak for itself. People who are free to socialise without their partners on a regular basis are also a high-risk group, especially if alcohol is involved. Allowing your partner to go clubbing every week, knowing that they are highly sociable, attractive and like a drink is possibly asking for trouble.

Couples who spend most of their time together are far less likely to cheat. Not only because of lack of opportunity, but because they have a great bond of doing everything together.

The workplace

The workplace is often a place of teamwork, and where people have a like- minded link. Where there is close body contact, the need to lean over desks, working shoulder to shoulder) the risk is higher. Also, people tend to be clean and dress well to go to work in offices. They do not tend to talk about the day to day stresses in their personal lives in great detail. But if they do, the workplace becomes the shared common interest; the place of understanding and a personal link can form. All of these present good opportunities for bonds to be strengthened between two people who share the working place as a mutual environment.

Harry , 34 says “ To begin with all was fine. I used to have sex with my girlfriend several times a day. Then we got married. In year 3 the problems started. My wife started nagging me about housework and complained that I was not showing her enough love and consideration. I had work pressures and used to come home tired, to someone who always wanted more. It seemed I could never give her what she wanted. I felt happier at work. I grew close to a work colleague and one night, I cheated with her. I felt no guilt towards my wife, I just felt wonderful, to feel loved, appreciated, with someone who could really understand me. I didn’t tell my wife, but not doing so gave me mixed feelings once the facts set in and the emotional high wore off. Eventually I came clean. To this day, my wife doesn’t trust me. I don’t things will ever be like they were when we were happy at the start.”


An affair is when the cheating is repeated with the same person, or an emotional bond forms with a person outside of the relationship. An affair can be short or last many years.

Many charmers who tempt a person already in a relationship to stray have no scruples on their side. Singles who end up falling in love with someone in a long term relationship fall into this group. As far as they are concerned, they are single, and the other person is doing the wrong and cheating on their partner.

What constitutes cheating?

Is kissing a stranger cheating? Is talking to others on line or sexting cheating? Or is it just having penetrative sex with someone else? For some swingers, none of this is cheating! Some couples allow their partners to go off and have fun. Some even allow their partners to have sex with other people. What is important is that you both agree on what your couple means, and where the boundaries are.

Cheating is simply going outside of the agreed rules between the two members of the couple. And herein lies the problem. Many couples do not discuss exactly what the exact rules are. These days, there are even couples where one person THINKS they are in a couple and the other one does not. The latter thinks he or she is free to do as they please.  Even to a married couple, if no rules are set and one person kisses someone else, the kisser may think there is no harm in this. Rules therefore need to be set first and agreed upon. “Rules is, there ain’t no rules” is a sure way for one person to do as they please, and the other to get upset. A broken rule is a broken rule. Making rules makes it harder for both parties to break them.

Discussing where you are in your relationship, what your expectations are and what your limits are, is of key importance. Without this, what expectations can you realistically have and how do you know what your partner’s stance is?

Minimise your chances of being cheated on

Laying down the rules can go so far. Many of us do not keep ourselves at a physical optimum. Doing what we can to stay healthy and make ourselves feel attractive and helping our partners to do the same, is important.

Spending time with your partner doing things together and forming a close bond is also key. Open discussions. Caring for one another. Working through the problems of everyday life. Maintaining a regular sex life which is satisfying and exciting. This is all sounds like a great big long list. Yet if a long- term relationship is to work, all of these elements are usually required. How you decide to have your relationship is of course up to you. But if you want a faithful partner, then all you can do is try to keep a balance with them. You cannot stop someone else from straying. You can only do your best to make them not want to cheat on you and to have you in mind when you are apart.

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